Crossing The Nullarbor: 10 Things A Punter Needs To Know

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You may have seen last week two of us were stupid enough to drive a van across the Nullarbor to Perth. As a Dees fan, it couldn’t have gone any b̶e̶t̶t̶e̶r̶ worse. 

For me, the dangly carrot of a spot in the Grand Final outweighed 40+ hours of modern day torture. For you, well,  Grand Final appearances are rare as hen’s teeth these days so I’ll let you make up your mind.

The cost of a flight to Melbourne is piggery at it’s finest from the airlines. It really only leaves one more logical option for Eagles fans to witness glory in the flesh.

The road trip is doablebut here’s 10 things to consider for a successful crossing of the Nullarbor.

1. CAR

A good workman never blames his tools… until you’re broken down in the middle of the desert. Make sure you’re chassis works and is ready to really extend her legs across 100’s of kilometres of straight road. Make sure she’s big too, if your car’s too small a three carriage Road Train might have trouble seeing you…

2. COMPANY

You’re about to spend 80 hours living in someone’s pocket. 40 of them behind a wheel. Make sure they’ve got good chat and that you get along. If things go south on day 1 you’re cactus.

3. EAT LIKE A PIG

Food is meant to comfort you yeh? Well that’s what I thought. Stop at as many Maccas/Colonels or dungeon roadhouses as you want, there’s no way you could possibly feel any worse about yourself. Plus, have you ever tried won big on Maccas Monopoly? That sh*t is epic.

4. GOLF

Here’s a bucket-lister. Want to tick off playing the ‘longest golf course in the world?’ Well you can. The Nullarbor Links Golf Course plonks 18 holes alongside the road from Kalgoorlie (WA) to Ceduna (SA) and vice versa. It costs 70 sheets for a scorecard and you can buy clubs for $5 each at the start. Just don’t expect much chop from the quality of the course or your end score. Green keepers are hard to come by in the middle of Australia – I hope you’re ready to rake your own green too.

5. MUSIC

I guarantee you’ll have a song more engrained in your mind than your own footy theme song by the end of things. But that’s part of it. Just make sure your bloody AUX cord works and that there’s no joker in the back who thinks ‘Baby Shark’ is funny.

6. KEEP ON DRIVING

Stop for golf, stop for food, stop for fuel and stop for a sleep. Stop for anything else and you’ll miss the bounce. Perth is f**king far away from Melbourne and you’ve just got to keep chugging along. Don’t worry about going animal watching, you’ll see plenty of that on the side of the road. Leave each pitstop at 6am and be done before sunset, otherwise you’ll be dodging Roos and that won’t end well.

7. FUEL

You don’t need to be Einstein to work out a bit of GASOLINE will be spenny. Over $2 bucks a litre actually. Try get a third or fourth person in the car to cut the cost here, or land a 10 leg same game multi the day before you leave. Either way is fine.

8. CELEBRATE THE SMALL THINGS

Reached a new town? Less than 100 clicks to the next roadhouse? Halfway across the country? Celebrate the small things. Morale is important when crossing the ‘Bor.

9. STOCK UP ON ESSENTIALS

You never know when you might get a hankering for something tasty, but do your shopping at a main town. Buying soft cheeses and salami from a roadhouse will cost you a King’s bunsen. Probably take a slab of water too. It will come in handy.

10. FLY HOME (IF YOU LOSE)

One thing’s for certain, you’ll develop a new found love for aviation during your 40 hour drive, and a hate for road signs, speed limits and traffic lights. If your team forgets to turn up on game day and doesn’t even kick a goal in the first half, then dump your mate’s car, head straight to the airport and catch the flying Roo home. If you’re more fortunate, chuck your West Coast scarf out the window, crank up ‘Eagle Rock’ and head back accross the Nullarbor with a grin on your face.

Either way. You better set sail and get going now. You don’t want to miss the game on Saturday.

What do you think?