DANIEL GORRINGE’S DIARIES: DELISTED

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It’s that time of the footy season where all the shit kickers finally get informed that they are being delisted. 

Players should see this coming especially if you haven’t played many games or you haven’t been speaking to the coaches.

You can tell you’re going to be delisted by the blokes whose meetings are scheduled around yours that week following the season. If you have scheduled meetings on the same day and within the same time slots with other shit kickers, then the delisting alarm bells should start ringing.

You’ll start by meeting with the coaches who will bring in a piece of paper with stats from your year just to drive home the fact how bad you are.

This will be followed by them telling you that they thank you for the time you have given the club, but you will be delisted and they wish you all the best and hopefully, you land on another list.

After that 15 minutes of fun conversation, you get to go speak to a club psychiatrist and they will ask you some standard questions like, “how are you feeling?” I figured that if it’s going to be my last day I may as well be honest and reply “well considering I have just been sacked two minutes ago I’m doing pretty shit.”

They will follow up the question with something to make you feel better, “you should be proud of your efforts, what’s the plan going forward?” To that Id reply “thanks, I appreciate that I plan to call my manager to see if we have any options and following that I’ll meet the boys at the pub.”

Then the above is followed up with meetings with the physios and doctors to go over your body and a meeting with player welfare who will tell you they will help you move forward.

Great, that’s how it should go. I knew I was getting delisted because Rocket Eade told me around about Round 6 of the AFL season that my time was up. I had played two of the first three rounds in the AFL then did my plantar fascia and had played a couple reserves games.

I asked how I get back into the team and was told that I would be delisted or traded if I have any value. Nothing better than playing the rest of the year in the reserves knowing no matter how good you play you’re not going anywhere.

After my 2015 delisting experience, I knew what I was going to get myself into at the end of 2017 at Carlton.

I loved my time at Carlton, but I just couldn’t be bothered with the stress of having these meetings but more so having DELISTED next to my name on every website and paper.

I know I am bad at footy, I don’t need everyone to know I’m bad again.

I decided ‘retired’ next to my name looks like I decided to walk away when really, I would have been delisted.

So sure enough that final week of the season in 2017 I saw the writing on the wall and went and saw the coaches and told them, “I know how this is going to go next week, I’m going to stress about you guys telling me I’m delisted, then you’ll tell me and I would have wasted both our time.” I went on, “I am going to retire from football based on what is going to happen, thank you so much for allowing me to play for such a great footy club.”

From then I believe I have started a great trend for shit kickers and if you’re a shit kicker and feel like you are going to be delisted, or you know you will all you have to do is simply walk into the coach’s office and retire and save everyone some time.

End your career on your terms.

What do you think?