Organising The Footy Trip | The Suburban Footballer’s Diaries

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I have nominated myself to organise this year’s footy trip. I reckon the 3 most important positions at a footy club are president, coach and the guy that organises the footy trip (and definitely not in that order).

I’ve already gotten the ball rolling by hanging the footy trip poster in the club rooms. This poster gives the players an opportunity to write their name if keen on going, and their preferred destination. The poster already has 3 Las Vegas’s, 6 Thailand’s and a Bali. Unfortunately going on past fundraising efforts, it’s more likely we will be going to the Bendigo races for the 5th straight year. It’s great to have 10 names already although one is Rowdy, who’s Mrs didn’t even trust him to go to our jumper presentation. I reckon his chances of going on the footy trip are about a trillion to one. He has pulled out at the last minute of the past 4 trips due to work commitments. Mid October must be an extra busy time of the year at the Frankston KFC. Half of the footy trip poster is always taken up by a picture of a beautiful blonde girl, wearing a bikini and holding a footy. I think they put this picture there to remind all the players of the type of girl that will be going nowhere near them while on their trip. I think a more suitable picture would be of a guy throwing his guts up in a gutter at 4am.

If there is one thing that I have learnt from past footy trips, its that I certainly won’t be putting the entire bond on my credit card. Richo was the last person to do this and it was back in 2003 when 24 boys headed to Adelaide for 3 days. Putting the entire bond on his credit card just seemed like an easier option as he was having trouble getting cash from the other players. On the morning of day 2 of the trip, as we all stood outside our backpackers hostel watching it burn to the ground after slingers failed attempt to light his pubes on fire, I couldn’t help but think Richo wished he had made more of an effort to collect the deposit from his team mates. Richo is now 42 and still lives with his parent slowly paying off that same credit card.

A key part of organising the footy trip is organising the footy trip singlets. I just think it’s really important everyone knows what club we are from when we are off our heads, acting like arse holes in a public place at 2pm on a Sunday afternoon. I will also get to come up with the nicknames to put on the back of the singlets. The more humiliating the better will be my simple rule. If by some miracle one of the boys looks like picking up, surely having “Crabs”, Herpes“ or “shit dick” written on their back will make her think twice.

Most importantly organising the footy trip will make me one of the boys again. My form this year has been so appalling that my social standing at the club sees me sitting just below the canteen lady’s assistant. This will change everything. Organising the best footy trip in history will write my name in the history books. Has anyone ever been given a life membership just for organising a footy trip? Well, they are about to.

What do you think?