Realistic Multis for Every AFL team in 2019

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It’s so close we can taste it. We can almost hear it. Speccies and handballs haunt our dreams. It’s March and footy is just around the corner. 

And despite our desperation for the return of the AFL, every season has storylines that are just too easy to predict.

Every team will at some point fall prey to a theme that recurs every season.

So without further ado, here are every team’s realistic multis for 2019:

Adelaide

Pre-Season camp sees the team endure yet another traumatic experience: listening to Mambo Number 5 on repeat for the whole coach journey – $1.10

The boys wake up every day thinking “F*ck, its actually really hot here” – $2.10

The boys egg Kane Cornes’ house – $1.50

Tex brings back The Mullet, The Mullet earns respect from the boys, The Mullet becomes captain – $2

The Mullet tells the boys to knock and run Kane Cornes’ house – $3

The Mullet wins the Brownlow – $ 1.02

Brisbane

Dayne Zorko requests the club trade back Dayne Beams in a bid for more Daynes – $2.10

The club, following St Kilda’s gameplan of recruiting Jack’s, recruit more Dayne’s in a bid to win a premiership – $1.50

The club post an ad on Gumtree “Any Dayne’s looking for work, Pick up only, Brisbane Area, Must have car and must be fit” – $5

The club are catfished by a bloke named Dwayne on Gumtree – $7

Carlton

Sam Walsh is made into Captain Coach before his first game – $1.15

Sam Walsh is promoted to Club President after three weeks – $2.02

Princes Park is renamed ‘Sam Walsh Super Arena’ – $3.02

Sam Walsh wins Rising Star, Norm Smith, Brownlow medal and Australian Survivor in the one year – $6

Collingwood

Bucks to bring back the beard and more hugs – $4.02

Bucks works out “More hugs = More wins” – $2.01

Mason Cox gains an extra 5 centimetres in height overnight – $3

Cox hits Montague Bridge – Bridge crumbles, Cox is fine – $5

Essendon

Smokin’ Joe Daniher decides to take up smoking ciggies to make nickname more authentic – $2.13

Oooorrrrazio Fantasia decides from now on to speak in 3rd person due to the love of his own name – $2.02

Oooorrrrazio Fantasia thinks that Oooorrrazia Fantasia should be called Smokin’ Oooorrazzio Fantasia – $2.10

Smokin’ Ooorazio Fantasia decides to take up smoking ciggies to make nickname more authentic – $2

After such positive media and hype surrounding the season, The bombers finish 9th! – $1.30

Freo

Harley Bennell returns to Football without any calf injuries – $15.02

Ross Lyon attends a post-match media conference and seems generally pleased with all the questions – “Hahaha Tom,

That’s an excellent question regarding my team – I like your suit!” – $21.00

Freo releases their club song as a single – $3.02

Against the odds – “Freo, Way to Go” skyrockets up the charts to Number 1 – $2.15

Geelong

Patrick Dangerfield becomes Mayor and in an effort to boost Geelong’s tourism changes the name of Geelong to “DANGERtown” – $6.04

Gary Ablett wants name changed to Ablett City – $1.50

Danger and Gary play Paper, Scissors, Rock for the name change – $3.00

DangerAblettCityTown is decided as the eventual winner – $1.02

Gold Coast

“The Rookie multi”

Rankine, King and Lukosius rule themselves out of round one due to not receiving their mandatory ‘Three-Day Theme Park Super Pass’ – $1.75

Rankine, King and Lukosius contemplate leaving Gold Coast due to living on the Gold Coast – $2.10

Rankine, King and Lukosius request a trade out due to homesickness by April – $2.25

Rankine, King and Lukosius request to be traded to DangerAblettCitytown instead – $1.50

GWS

As usual – All 25 players are injured before round one forcing the team to forfeit – $3.01

Shane Mumford goes vegan in an effort to reduce the constant screaming of “SAUSAGE” – $2.01

Silly Sausage can’t help his silly self, buys a Blacktown Bunnings franchise and takes over the BBQ every Sunday morning – $3.02

GWS win premiership and 3 people attend the ticker tape parade – $2.04

Melbourne

In an effort to win the premiership, the club tries to recruit a Rioli…from anywhere – $1.20

The Pre Season camp entails a delightful Sunday trip to the wineries and cheese factories of the Yarra Valley to source this year’s catering for delectable mid game snacks – $1.03

The Club logo is replaced by a platter of delicious fromage – $1.50

Despite numerous efforts from club engineers to put the lid back on, The lid is well and truly off all season – $1.10

North

The club publishes a giant front page ad “Sucked in idiots, we got two new recruits this year who WANTED to come to our club” – $3.02

The club publish another front page ad the next day saying “Just checking in you guys still care about us?” – $5

The club to follow NRL’s off season strategy to gain more media attention – $2.01

Chris and Brad Scott swap places for a year – nobody notices – $1.

Richmond

After learning of Dustys spiritual awakening, The boys set out on a visit to India to visit a Guru – $3.02

Dusty opens his own meditation centre next to Punt road called ‘The Royal Hotel 2” – $2.01

Bored and dissatisfied with the simple rules and structures of normal boring AFL, Jack Riewoldt decides to leave the Tiger 6 months earlier and focus on the 2020 AFLX Rampage team. $ 4.01

Hawthorn

Mitchell breaks other leg, but returns to Football in Round 22 and collects 40+ disposals – $6.12

In an effort to pursue a media career post footy, Jarryd Roughhead gets a makeover and changes his name to Jarryd Reallygoodhead – $3.02

Alistair Clarkson serenades the boys on his guiter with his new single “Big Boy McEvoy Sicko Mode” – $10.00

Hawthorn still win another Premiership – $3.10

Port

In the aftermath of Ollie Wines Injury, all the boys decide to go on a Wakeboarding trip – $2.12

Elon Musk’s battery runs out in Adelaide and there’s no power – $3.45

The Power are forced to change name to ‘Port Adelaide Small Wind Turbines – $4

Jack Watts forced to change his philosophy from T**s and Swimming to Schnitz and Singing – $2.45

Jack Watts opens a Schnitzel and Karaoke bar in Adelaide – $3.42

The boys wake up every day thinking “F*ck, its actually really hot here” – $2.10

St Kilda

Four weeks before round one – Alan Richardson realizes there’s not enough Jacks in the side – $1.50

After a relaxing and uneventful off-season Dan Hanneberry is forced to change his name to Jack Hannebery to fit in with the other Jacks – $2.50

Kieran Jack is recruited for namesake – Forced to change his name to Jack Jack – $3.12

Halfway through the Season, the boys have a lightbulb moment & decide to start their own side business ‘Jacks Mowing’ – $5

Sydney

Horse tries to think of an alternative gameplan, finds it too difficult, Just tells everybody to kick it to Buddy – $3

In an effort to Increase form, Buddy reduces training to 45 seconds a session – $3.01

Buddy still wins Coleman – $2.89

Swans are given no chance to make finals from media – $2

Swans still make top 4 – $1.50

West Coast

Jeremy McGovern sticks with the ‘Country Footballer Dad Bod’ – $2.01

Dom Sheed gets a knighthood in WA, though he realises there’s no such thing –he must now be referred to ‘Sir Dommy the great’ – $3.05

‘Sir Dommy the great’ goes on national tour and recreates that goal on every oval around Western Australia – $1.50

Bulldogs

3 years after winning the premiership, Luke Beveridge still hasn’t worked out how they won – $3.02

Bevo unleashes new gameplan of asking the players to watch each game from the 2016 finals and tells them “I actually don’t know, Just copy what you did here, and I’m sure it’ll work” – $4.00

Libba finally gets some sleep from the 2016 Grand final after party – $2

What do you think?