THE YEAR IN REVIEW | THE SUBURBAN FOOTBALLER’S SECRET DIARIES

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No matter what standard of footy you are playing, when the season finally draws to a close it’s important to do a full review.

It’s essential to analyse the highs and lows and make sure you learn from your mistakes. Sadly, this year, like every year before it, there were only lows. An under 14’s coach once said to me that “there’s no winning and losing, there is only winning and learning”. Well if this is the case, we must be the smartest team on the f**king planet.

You often hear of teams having premiership hangovers but this year, for the first time in the history of the sport, we suffered a wooden spoon hangover. In a move that surprised many, we chose to celebrate our winless 2018 by partying for most of the summer. Despite being setup to inform players about training sessions, the only time our players Facebook page was used during the off season was to coordinate piss ups.

On the one occasion the coach did use the page to try to organise a running session on a Sunday morning in late December, his post was met with absolute silence. Not a single comment or like. The coach was however excited when he turned up at 8am and saw 12 of his senior players walking towards him.

His excitement quickly turned to disappointment when he noticed all 12 were wearing jeans and t-shirts and it was just a coincidence that they were walking through the park on their way home from a 48-hour bender.

THE LAST GAME OF THE YEAR | THE SUBURBAN FOOTBALLER’S SECRET DIARIES

Our pre-season camp was a disaster. I can’t go into any great detail as it is still in the hands of the courts, but what I can say is that numbers were so low that that everyone that attended could, and did, fit in the back of your standard police divvy van.

The year started slowly as we forfeited our first practice match and our second practice match was called off due to an all in brawl during the second quarter. This was even more concerning as the practice match that was called off was actually an intra-club. Fair to say the club had it’s fair share of issues.

The club did, however, have a big win off the field soon after our jumper presentation which was held at our local pub and major sponsor. It was a wild night even by our clubs lofty standards.

The club was contacted by the pub owner the following day and told that they would double their sponsorship if every player promised to stay away from the pub for the remainder of the year. The president accepted and when he announced this to the playing group, he described it as having “mixed emotions”.

Once the season started things went from bad to worse. It was massacre after massacre. I’d like to say the wheels fell off but sadly, I am not sure if we had wheels in the first place.

The one highlight of the year was our under 18’s who at the half way mark of the season were on top of the ladder undefeated. Unfortunately for them though, they were stripped of all of their points after a league investigation uncovered that over half of their team was in their mid 20’s.

Despite going winless in all 3 grades for the 7th straight year, our Mad Monday was a huge success and we had record numbers for our footy trip to Adelaide so all in all, you would have to give the season a big tick.

In summary, when asked what have we learnt from the 2019 season I would have to say absolutely nothing and we all look forward to going it all again in 2020.

What do you think?