Five tips to actually enjoy this local cricket season

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The local cricket season makes its welcome (or unwelcome) return for many of the nation’s cricketers this weekend. The new season brings fresh hope – of more runs, more wickets, and the ultimate aim of actually enjoying yourself. So as we saddle-up for another five months of lost Saturdays, we need to take steps that will make us actually enjoy the impending season. That is, of not wishing the carload of beach-bound idiots screaming ‘howzat’ past your local ground was you…

Here are five tips for the 2018/19 season:

  1. Don’t invite family/friends

How many times have you actually played well in front of family and friends? Whatever the opposite of a ‘good omen’ is, that’s what your loved-ones are. They amplify your nerves, making failure seem the only option. When you trudge off to the sheds, taking you pads off after another single-figure innings, you know they’re all there, waiting for you. Waiting to say ‘bad luck’ after you hit a full-toss straight to cover. They make you more miserable, so ditch the invites.

  1. Reinvent yourself

Everyone at a local cricket club has a ‘brand’. The ‘big hitter’ in the 3s. The ‘ageing opening bowler’. The ‘bloke who is a corporate success but a cricket no-hoper’. Well, the 2018/19 season is the year to reinvent yourself and your brand. Think long and hard about your attributes, and magnify whichever one gives you most credit around the club.

  1. Wear an odometer

Going from fine-leg to fine-leg is seen as the ultimate banishment in cricket. It signifies that you can’t bowl, can’t field, won’t bowl (because you’re too knackered), and almost certainly won’t take a catch. It’s a cricketer’s Guantanamo. But who says it has to be bad? That fitness plan you’ve been putting off can finally be put to use this summer. Running 100 metres across the ground every six balls will certainly clock up the ks. Experts say that exercise releases dopamine which is good for your mental health. Whether that dopamine hit is stronger than the depressing thought that you’re (in all likelihood) your team’s worst player is, however, up for debate.

  1. Delete ‘My Cricket’

You know when you log onto social media, watch or read something entirely uninspiring, and close it knowing you’ve wasted ten minutes of your life? That’s My Cricket, except with an added dose of self-loathing. For the untrained, the site/app is a portal for all your local cricketing results. Not just team results – personal results. Each time you’ve failed, documented on a webpage for everyone to see and reference. It’s (almost) completely eliminated lying in local cricket circles – something that is both good and bad, depending on which side of the argument you’re on. My Cricket is a gateway to hell, and spells only bad news. Delete it, and you might enjoy this season.

*Except when you make 40 or take three-fa, log straight back in and screen-shot the page.

  1. Care less

This is the toughest, arguably unattainable goal of every local cricketer. The Promised Land. If you cared less about getting out and failing (again), it wouldn’t affect you as much. You wouldn’t dwell on your incompetence. As such, your new happy-go-lucky attitude would allow you to go out and make runs and be a success – or so the idea goes. Many have tried – and failed – to care less. Give it a go this season.

Also, don’t celebrate like this. Go well, cricketers.

What do you think?