Our Very Real and Believable Politicians Social Sport Careers


Scott Morrison   – Engadine Sharks – Touch Footy Tuesday night – 1990 to 1997

Scott Morrison played for the Sharks before he was a politician. He started trialing his own nickname ‘Scomo’ to the players during the 1991 Tuesday night games. Before ‘Scomo’ he trialed ‘Big Showmo’, ‘ScottyDoesntKnow’ and ‘Cool Scotty Dawg’ and none of them really stuck. Especially ‘Cool Scotty Dawg’.

Scomo considered himself the tactical strategist in their ageing side and renamed their defensive game style to the famous “Stop the boats” strategy, where they would surround an opposition player with 20 of their own players and keep them locked up on the sidelines. It was deemed fairly favourable around the Shire at the time but fairly controversial in the league.

In the lead up to the 1996 season, Scomo challenged their captain to a leadership spill and won by 1 vote, he was considered an ‘unpopular’ choice at the time but it seems the sharks had no other choice.

During the 1997 Grand Final, Scomo injured his ankle as he put the wrong photoshopped boots on his feet at half time. There’s been conflicting stories and different rumours surrounding this, but Scomo was very emotional after the ankle injury and ran off to Engadine to digest a Big Mac, a 30 pack of nuggets and a chocolate thick shake to console himself, it is then believed he slid down the slippery dip and completely shat himself in front of Ronald McDonald.

Were these the catalyst for the Engadine Maccas incident? 

Pauline Hanson   – The Juan Nations – Thursday Night Mixed Netball 1984 to 1992

Pauline’s netball career started with controversy before it even began. Pauline refused to play mixed netball as she was confused to what ‘mixed’ meant. She believed there should be no diversity on the court, she later retracted that comment when advised, mixed meant the participants are not of a single sex and not as she thought, of multiple races.

She has also had issues with the team name- she said she would not play for a team with a ‘Latino pun based name’ and she lost the vote count to change the name, as there was an overwhelming number of Juan’s in the team. Pauline didn’t like it.

During the 1992 season, the Juan Nations struggled to purchase bibs for the team, so controversially, Pauline and the team approached the NRA (Netball Resourcing Association) for funding and NRA refused to assist the Juan Nations. She later found a sponsor for the club from a local fish & chip shop in Ipswich.

Pauline also wrote an alarming number of letters demanding the local netball league move the centre circle to the far right of the court, but never got a reply.

Pauline has always had her hand in controversy. Before the start of 1990 season, she wrote a letter and started a petition to ban all Wing Attacks from the league. She was worried the league had been infiltrated by an Asian family by the name of ‘Wing’. She was advised by the league that Wing Attack is a netball position and not a name. Pauline still stands by her original statement.

In another controversial move, Pauline came to the game dressed as an AFL footballer and also taped a Sherrin to her face as publicity stunt.
She was sure that AFL was slowly taking over all sports and she wanted to draw attention to their insidious moves, she then changed her mind about the stunt and then later changed it again and said ‘”I said no originally, then I said yes. Then I have said no, and I’ve stuck to it.” She insisted she had not flip flopped.

Pauline developed a tick in her brain, then started her political career not long after.


Tony Abbott – Manly Dinosaurs – Monday Night Mixed Oz Tag – 1995 to 2001

Tony Abbott was always very sporty but lacked the social skills to play the game. He rose up the ranks and became captain for the Dinosaurs by default. He shared the co-captaincy with his best friend and mentor, Peta Credlin.

Tony’s favorite tactic was to stare down any opponent without saying anything for about 3-4 minutes, this tactic was copied by Tex Walker for the Adelaide Crows in the 2017 AFL Final Series.


“I can’t actually spot the difference between the two”

Tony was often criticized by his team-mates for having terrible breath, he was always in charge of the half-time oranges but insisted the team eat raw onions instead.

Tony was moved to the back bench of the Dinosaurs in the 1999 season for constantly tagging his own team and he never got any more game-time. This did not stop Tony – not really liked by his teammates, he kept coming back and he really never let go. He came on as a water boy, a runner and a running water boy.

Peter Dutton – Brisbane Spuds – Indoor Cricket Wednesday Nights 2001 to 2003

Often regarded as the worst leg-spinner to grace an indoor cricket field, Peter Dutton’s
Career was short lived. His teammates called him a potato, not because he looked like a potato but because every ball he bowled was a spud – and yes potentially due to his looks. Probably. Most Likely. (Absolutely) (can’t argue sorry – that’s a potato mate) (100% spud certified)

Peter never liked being called a ‘potato’ and told his teammates to refer his original birth name

‘The Dark Lord’.

During the 2002 season, Peter challenged for the leadership as he thought he would be a popular choice, but was dramatically shutdown. mostly likely due to his lack of emotion on and off the field.

Superstitions are common in the world of sport and Peter (Dark Lord) had a few – usually found in his cricket bag would be a sacrificed goat, handcuffs and a box of nails, he was slowly ostracized from the playing group for being ‘a bit of a weird c**t’ and the team stopped responding to his emails. He retired in 2003.

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